Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
