Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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