I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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