He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
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