i wish starbucks made bloody marys
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
