I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
They are going to name an STD after you.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
