i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Randomize
