would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
