No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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