You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
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