But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
