gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
