when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
