I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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