i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
