even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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