I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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