My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
