his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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