Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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