He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
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