wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
