It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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