I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
