Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
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