she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
