The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
