I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
