i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
