Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
