Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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