oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
