You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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