and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Text me some of your sweat
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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