i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
