I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Randomize
