So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
