so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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