just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Randomize
