It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
