dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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