He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
