Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
