so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
