tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Randomize
