I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
