fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
