She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
