brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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