Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
