Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
