Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
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