I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
That accounts for only three of the penises
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize