its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
